Perchance to dream of futures past

[14 July 2017 Update: I started writing this in Feb 2013, before we got married, but never published this, and then forgot about it, until my last post “Carry On”. Then I thought, didn’t I write something along this line before? Then I realised I never published it. Probably out of superstition that it is not good form to talk about death and widowhood before we even got married. But yes, I have thought about it. After all, it is in the Catholic marriage vows – “til death do us part”. Which I usually follow up with the quip: “so no divorce. Only murder.”]

If I have any fear, any worry it is that I would leave PL alone. I am 9 years older, and men have a shorter life expectancy.

PL would be alone (well, I hope she finds someone else but considering how long it took us to get together, I am not hopeful) perhaps for a good 2 decades.

I realise how selfish it is for me to marry someone younger and perhaps risk leaving her to cope with life by herself.

BUT… she is a strong person. And if we had not found each other, she would have happily lived her life alone. Confident in her ability. Secure in her identity. Comfortable in her own skin and in her life.

I recognised that in her, because I see it in myself.

And it is because I know… we know… that what we have, we have chosen to have with each other. That while we have chosen to be interdependent on each other, we continue to be very strong and very independent persons.

[As I read what I wrote, I realise that I am not explaining myself rightly, I am not sure I am expressing the idea in my mind correctly. It sounds so much like philosophical crap I sometimes read. So, if the above doesn’t make any sense to you, it’s ok. It’s not you. It’s just me not explaining myself properly. And if it does make sense to you. wow. That borders on mind-reading. Or you understand because you have the same relationship with your partner.]

I guess she is the one for me. I have always said that the woman I marry would be someone who is intelligent, and who laughs at my jokes. And yes, I can hear all the critics say, I am asking for the impossible. Anyone who is intelligent would NOT be laughing at my jokes!

Yes. Ha Ha. Very Funny guys.

My third criteria is that the woman must be emotionally strong.

PL is all that.

I can’t really speak for her because she must know this and yet she accepts this… uncertainty? Risk? Destiny? Fate?

Of course we do not know the future and all this is speculation and probabilities.

[14/7 17: And one of possibilities we didn’t anticipate, was Z.]

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