From this article: “Love, marriage, kids — life doesn’t follow a set timeline.”
When you’re young, most of your life proceeds in a linear way. You graduate from high school, then college, then get a job. When real life doesn’t progress as smoothly, in relationships or career, it can be hard to sit with. “We think about planning our lives like there’s one of two ways to go: You’re a completely lazy slacker who lets it be all about fate. Or you’re this hyper-control freak who’s trying to force her life to go a certain way,” says Sara Eckel, author of “It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single.
I shared that news clippings on Facebook with this comment:
By 45, I had loved and lost, and had accepted that I would be single all my life. Then someone came along and screwed up my retirement plans. And made me a father. At 50!
But I won’t wanna be single again.
A friend commented, wistfully I thought, that not everyone can have the happy ending, “white picket fence” dream become a reality. I knew she had lost her partner and I believe she is still getting over it (it has been some years, but there is no time limit or statute of limitations on grief).
Everybody’s dream is different. I think the point of the article is, be open to possibilities beyond what you dreamed. And the dreams you did not know you dreamed will come through (not “true”, “through”.)
And the best anyone can do is to make the best of the situation handed to her. You play the game with the cards you are dealt, not the cards you wish you were dealt.
When I was still single and facing the prospect of life alone, I wondered if life would have turned out different if I had been more this or more that. And I thought perhaps in a “multiverse” with multiple branching timelines, there were other “me” who had married at 30, or married at 34, or married at 44, and so on. But in this timeline, I would be single. And all the me’s were living different versions of “what-if”. To fully explore the infinite possibilities of Life. Or to explore it more fully.
In such a multiverse, it would not do for this “me” to dream of or wish for another me’s life. It would make the exploration of this Life incomplete.
But that’s how I chose to understand life, and my role in it. I said the article echoed a conversation with PL. In that conversation, I told her that with my many medical/health issues, I thought then (at 45) that it was probably best I did not get married and pass on my faulty genes.
But I did, and today I worry I might have given Z my genetic “heritage”.
But that is also worrying too far ahead.
We cannot live in the past (wondering what if, wistfully or otherwise). Nor can we live in fear of the future (what if Z gets my health issues).
Of course we can worry and plan for them, but we should make plans and then live in the present.