So I was performing one of the more boring tasks of parenting an infant – bottle holder.
Z was lying down, a bottle was in her mouth, and I was holding it at the right angle, with the vent hole in the right place so she can suck and there would not be no air/vaccum resistance.
She was content. Eyes closed, sucking almost meditatively, arms by her side in peaceful repose. Content to let her father put aside all the important things he might want or even need to do (“hope I don’t need to go to the loo! hope I don’t need to go to the loo!”), just to hold her bottle.
Anyway, if you haven’t realised, baby’s bodies are not to adult’s proportion. Her neck is relatively short, and so the bottle was resting on her chest, and I was just ensuring that it did not roll off.
Which gave me an idea.
“I can’t wait for her to have boobs so we can just leave the bottle between her boobs,” I said aloud. Pl was there so she assumed I was talking to her.
“I think it would be easier to teach her to hold her own bottle. If we wait for her to have boobs, it would take a very long time.”
But it’s good to have a contingency plan. By the time she’s 13, if she hasn’t learned to hold her own bottle by then, we can rest it between her boobs.
If she’s still drinking from a bottle.