The Importance of Being Smart if not Earnest

[Didn’t realise I haven’t posted this. Well, we had a BBQ recently, so I was thinking about this. Time to post this.]

So why do we eat some animals but not others?

We eat tuna (and cod, salmon etc) but not dolphins or whale (unless you’re Japanese or Faroe Islanders, or Eskimos – or do they want to be called Inuit now?)

We’ll happily eat cows, sheep, pigs, duck and chickens, but not horses, cats and dogs (in most contemporary societies).

Ask most people why we don’t eat dolphins or dogs, and the most likely answer is, cos they’re cute, adorable, or smart/intelligent.

Cows, sheep, chicken, and fish are dumb and can be eaten apparently.

So if you’re a soccer player who survives a plane crash with your team-mates in the Andes and you’re out of food, pray that you’re not the dumbest one in the group. Or at least try to appear smart.

But that may not completely help you.

We don’t usually eat horses, and they aren’t that smart.

Pigs are smarter. But we eat them anyway (unless your religion specifically forbids it, or if you’re a vegetarian).

So it’s not a hard and fast rule.

So why is it okay to eat dumb animals, generally, but not smart animals?

Cos smart animals could take revenge. So here we are happily tucking into pork chops and roast pork while the kin of the food on our plates have declared biological warfare on us. Scientists agree that pigs are good mixing vessels for swine flu, human flu and avian flu viruses to combine and recombine into lethal new strains that we have no immunity against!

Meanwhile, Mad cow disease is still a threat to our sanity. Apparently this disease developed when cows were fed with diseased sheep. The cows and sheep are working together!

And then there is chicken flu.

Our food is revolting! I mean, rebelling… No, I think the first is right. They’re revolting against being eaten.

The only safe food left is seafood, but at the rate we’re depleting fish stocks, they could run out in 40 years.

Then the only safe animal protein source would be… humans.

So if you have kids, tell them that we tend to eat things that are dumb. So that’s why they should study hard and get a good education. That way when they start working, their colleagues won’t eat them.

Gives new meaning to “Staff lunch”.

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