We had finally put a cranky, fussing, grumpy Z to bed. PL had to deal with most of Z’s nonsense as she was feeding and fussing.
Z would nurse for a few seconds, then stop to wail for a few seconds, then return to nursing.
“I think she’s complaining about the quality of the milk,” I told PL. “That, or that the milk is flowing too slowly. Or too fast. Or is too warm. Or it is not cold enough. Or that she’s bored with plain milk. Does it come in Chocolate? Strawberry? Do Indian women produce chocolate milk? Cos everyone knows you get chocolate milk from brown cows… But I haven’t seen a pink cow, so where do strawberry milk come from?”
Anyway, It was 2 hours of grumpy, fussy, cranky baby, and then peace as she settled down to sleep, stomach full, eyes heavy, dead to the loud, confusing, hectic world she had been born into.
PL and I finally had some alone time (with the baby sleeping nearby). It was past 11 pm, somewhere out there, someone was either playing “Give me a Reason” (Pink) or was trying to sing it. I think it was a karaoke session.
There were some conversations of a party, and laughter.
New Year’s Eve party.
People trying to be happy.
Succeeding, I hope. We could all do with happiness.
But as I lay with PL, slightly exhausted, recovering our slightly frazzled nerves, just being with each other, drawing comfort from just being with each other, offering everything, and asking nothing, taking nothing but willing to give everything, we were content.
The people outside, at the party, were trying to be happy, and I do hope they find it.
But inside, we were content. And if you were to ask us if we were happy, we would say yes.
But we would be wrong. Happiness is over-rated.
These were closer to what we were feeling.
So we were not happy in the “ecstatic moment” or “momentary ecstasy” definition of “Happy”.
But we were content. Filled and fulfilled.
Even those words fail to convey the meaning, but they are close. “Content”. “Filled”. “Fulfilled” = “Full” and “Filled”.
There is nothing more I could asked for.
Happy New Year.
Or more precisely, may the New Year bring you all that you need, and some of what you want, especially those wants that are need that you recognised. And may you be filled and fulfilled.