Father at Fifty.

Unfortunately, the blog name “Father at Fifty” was already taken.

“Mother at Forty” was available, but it lacks the alliteration of “Father at Fifty”. In any case PL doesn’t blog.

On 13 April, we believe the pregnancy is in the 4th or 5th week. We had gone to watch “Noah”, and I thought “Seth” could be a good name for a boy. Or Methuselah. 🙂

Anyway, PL missed her period and towards the end of March (2014), she got a home pregnancy test (the kind you pee on), and it gave a positive result. She showed it to me. I refused to be blackmailed of course. Then she reminded me we were already married.


But in the first trimester, lots of pregnancies terminate by themselves.

I held onto hope.

And she was already 40. Not really a good age to get pregnant.

We worried.

Or thought about the things we should be worried about.

But I guess the best answer I got from the internet was to a query from a mother over 40. I think she was 41. And she asked what were the problems she might have.

At forty, the main problem is conceiving. “So, you’ve already overcome the major problem,” was the reply.

The answer was… inspiring.

I stopped reading after that. That answer was good enough for me.


This post is being written in the first trimester, it was started just after she missed her period and the home pregnancy test kit pronounced our doom. It will be “published” when we break the news to everyone.

Anyway, PL was noticing some changes. At 4 – 6 weeks the foetus was barely detectable, but she said she felt bloated, or “gassy”. What now gives her pleasure, is burping. 🙂

Or rather, it now relieves her of some discomfort.

She denies being flatulent, and blames the dog. We don’t have a dog.

She didn’t have morning sickness, but she did feel nauseous or slightly nauseous. So I guess with more sensitive women, this would manifest as morning sickness. And yes, she didn’t just feel this way in the morning. She could feel nauseous in the afternoons too.

Some food affected her more than others. A pork burger patty I was frying made her nauseous. As did a kebab stall we passed. But then later at Akanoya, she was fine with the pork shoulder (butabara).

She has always like soupy food, and this has become more pronounced as it soothes her stomach and is easy on her sense of smell, I think.

She also likes sour tidbits, and this has also become pronounced – dried orange peels, Ling Mong tablets, but as she usually likes these, it has not raise any suspicions with her colleagues.

Recently (over the Easter weekend), she noticed she was peeing more often. In her words, the baby is not just displacing her stomach, but also her bladder. And this is at less than 2 months (by our estimate).

For my part, I worry about breaking the news to PL’s parents.

I hope they focus on the news of their impending grandparenthood.

I wonder how my brothers broke the news to their in-laws, the first time. Basically, the worst case scenario I can imagine when I tell PL’s parents she is pregnant, is for her parents to ask, incredulously, “you mean you’ve been fucking our daughter?!?”

Well, yeah, sure. We’re married and sex is part of it all, but… knowing it intellectually and being presented with undeniable proof is something else.

Of course, I could be focusing on the wrong thing, as usual.

What I should be focusing on is that once we are parents, no one can tell us, “you don’t understand. You’re not parents!”


I caught PL rubbing her belly or torso. It was bloaty or felt bloaty to her.  I suggested some medicated oil. She was willing to give it a shot. Axe oil to the rescue!

It helped.

Later she switched to Tiger Balm.


She hasn’t swollen up at all (7 weeks or so?) but she feels bloaty. Like there’s a parasite living in her, I tell her.

She says the belt on her dress is constricting. So she took it off. Then she said the dress she was wearing could be her maternity dress.

She’s checking maternity ward charges.

And looking for a gynae.

She’s picked one. A lady.

Meanwhile, we have news (or hints) that two of our friends (in their mid-thirties) were pregnant. In their mid-thirties and pregnant? What is this world coming to when children are having children!

They are married of course, but still!


I sent PL a link to 40 places to visit, and I thought that we would probably not be travelling so much for the initial years. But I’m a little relieved too. I won’t say that I hate travel, but it does have its hassles and worries, and anxiety. But of course the pleasure offsets it all.

I won’t say that I’m looking forward to the trials and tribulations of fatherhood, but it would be a different set of challenges… and learning… and meaning.


She’s peeing more frequently. She says she feels like the baby is taking up her stomach space and her bladder space, so she can’t eat as much, and she needs to pee for often.

She hasn’t started to swell. It’s not obvious.

But I don’t argue with pregnant ladies.


So I asked her if she tested herself again with the pregnancy test kit. She said no.

I said what if the first one was wrong?

And how come I don’t get to pee on a pregnancy test kit? Is it because it will show that I am not pregnant?! That means I’m not the father right?


PL & I were shopping at Giant Hypermart on a Sunday and in the bread section we saw a long, segmented, bun (or roll) about the size of a hot dog roll or slightly larger which had been decorated with zig-zag stripes of chocolate across the roll. At the end of the roll was a face made with the chocolate – a simple face: two dots for the eyes, a curve for a smile.

WP_20140501_002The roll was called, “Caterpillar Bun” because the segments and face make it looked like a cute chubby caterpillar.

“But what’s inside?” wondered PL.

I had a flashforward.

Our kid was about 5 or 6 and I was offering some meal/snack options.

“Do you want a curry bun?” I asked.

“Whats innit?”


“No, I’m too young to eat spicy food!”

“Ok, how about a Cheese bun?”

“What’s innit?

“Nothing. But it has cheese on top.”


“How about a sausage roll?”

“what’s innit?”

“A sausage.”

“With ketchup?” Hopefully.

“No. It’s a plain sausage.”

“Oh. No, then.”

“Ok. How about a Caterpillar Bun?”



We were also looking at some washing machines. One had a sticker: “child safe.”

I guess I can’t bathe the kid in that. Could have been a time saver.


Then we found this.

The week by week “What to expect” slide show at the end of the article was very informative.


Then there is this article about whether it is worth it. The point is moot. If it comes, it comes. We didn’t ask the question (whether it would be worth it) because that is not how we make decisions. And having a baby is not a cost benefit exercise.


5 May, PL went to see the gynae. (She ended up picking a guy doctor from KKH instead of the lady Gynae from Mount A.)

He estimated PL is about 9 weeks along. Expected Delivery is 7 Dec. We’ll call her Pearl, after Pearl Harbour. Maybe.

Too early for the Jubilee package.

Can’t tell gender yet (too early), but it’s either a boy or a girl. I think the world will be a better place if it’s a girl that looks like her mother, than a boy that looks like his father.

(PL laughed at that… That evil woman!)

Then a thought… what if it’s a girl that looks like me?!?!?


Here’s the little one. All of 2.5 cm (approximately).

Office Lens_20140505_213712_processed

Can you tell if it looks like me?


Anyway, here’s a chart/diagram about financial planning for a child.


What do babies need?

Okay. Based on the above information, our kid will not be going to university. University is over-rated anyway.


Since PL got pregnant, my cooking has had a turn for the worse. Of the dozens of times I have made roast pork, the most recent attempt was my first failure to get the pork to crisp. Just tonight I tried to make pop-overs, and they failed to rise. I think I passed my cooking mojo to my daughter. Or she took my mojo.


PL has a weird, crazy, enthusiastic colleague who always offers to be the godmother to any babies of her colleagues. Even babies of the Muslim colleagues.

When PL breaks the news, she is quite sure this colleague will also offer to be the godmother. To be fair, other than being crazy and weird, she’s actually… erm… quite… erm… human.

Okay. I can’t exactly describe what’s RIGHT about her, but she is a good friend so if she offers, I have asked PL to tell her that there are exactly 3 vacancies for Fairy Godmother – Evil, Crazy, and, Weird. So which Fairy Godmother will she be?


On 28 May, she went for a second scan. Still too early to tell if we’re having a son or daughter.

Well, CHIJ is nearby. It’s a girls’ school. It would be convenient to have a daughter.

It’s about 12 weeks now. So here goes…




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